dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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