its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
