part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
