I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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