So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
