I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
