my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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