I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Green mimosas i think yes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
