You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
