Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
