So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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