And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
