went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
