Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
