great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
