Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
