he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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