i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
