the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
