I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sarcasm needs its own font
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
