he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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