are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
