Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
