I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
