Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
