well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
