is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
