OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
