hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
