The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I looked at my own cervix.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
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