Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
