I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
