she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
