P.S. I can't hear my feet
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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