Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
