Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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