Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
