you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
