we have pet lesbian snakes
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
