Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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