I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
