Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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