How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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