we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
