is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
