I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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