How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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