I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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