My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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