Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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