we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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