Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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