he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Floor bacon is actually really good
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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