Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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