Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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